I’m breaking from this posting the day in the title thing because–for heaven’s sake–it just doesn’t matter. I’m lucky if I can draw any coherent thought out of this mind at one time–at any time. Like Harry Potter succumbing to Dumbledore and his wand and the penseive…it takes something strong to draw out the tale.
I spent two days last week coordinating a “conference” that ended up consisting of only three people. If there had been more, it probably would have kicked my ass. My friend, Robin, served as our “keynote speaker.” And I don’t know if friend is the term I should use for her, because I know Robin, and we connect on Twitter, but I can’t say we’ve ever spoken for more than a half hour together, and maybe she thinks I’m a whacko. But, she came to the keynote, and I know she heard and felt my fear, because she offered to come back the second day to help present something and she did. And she was great.
And we walked out of the IST building afterwards like we were old friends, but I couldn’t talk and I really didn’t know what to say, because all my thoughts are tied up and trapped inside of me. When did I lose the ability to talk? Did I ever have it? And when I left her, I wished we had spoken more.
So then, I head into the weekend, and I realize that what I think is a crappy day, really isn’t a crappy day, which leads me to keep it quiet anyway. It’s not all about me. And what is crappy to me might actually be appreciated by someone else.
I lose track of this because I do not write. And I do not write because most often it’s hard. Life is hard and we all know it. Closed hearts won’t find any sparks.
I need to write more. I need to connect more. I need to find my voice. I need to organize. I need to let people like Robin know just how much they mean to me. Even if they don’t know. Even if we spend more time talking on Twitter…we do have connections–I just need to bring them to light.
Sending sparks into the night…