In her mind, she is young, slim, hot, and witty. She can talk to anyone about anything. She can string words together into articulate sentences without any fear. She doesn’t need to do a power stance to be sexy, authoritative, and strong. She knows what she wants and how to go out and get it.
Her friend, Matty (who she has never met in her life), tells her to be positive. “Believe in yourself,” he says. All the while, she tells him she’s young, slim, hot, and sexy. He believes her—for now. Until he really meets her in person, and she turns out to be the person she is so hard trying not to be.
Every once in a while, the curtain falls and all the flaws reveal themselves to the power of a thousand. She can’t talk. She’s not young, and certainly isn’t slim. She lacks confidence. She lacks faith. She can’t run all that well, and when she does, her thighs rub together.
Just once, she wishes someone would smile assuredly and squeeze her hand. Gaze into her eyes and unleash her power. Until then, she’s like a freaked out cat, clinging upside down to the ceiling, trying to crawl back into her mind—turning fantasy to reality.